So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
