People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
