oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't turn off my feet"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
