I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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