I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
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For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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