you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
