he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
