and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
