then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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