i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
