If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
