i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
