Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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