I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
