its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
