im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
