Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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