i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
