It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
