I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
