the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
