I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
