i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.