1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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