She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
