I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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