I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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