we're chasing vodka with high fives
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
