I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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