Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize