Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Come on in and take your pants off
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