Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize