But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This baby is an asshole
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize