Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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