If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
