I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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