i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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