Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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