Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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