Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
