um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize