Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
