Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
