dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
