he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
