I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
