Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
