i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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