He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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