I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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