Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
