Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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