You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I love having hate sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
