based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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