So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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