As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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