do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
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You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
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Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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