If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
