At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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