Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
