So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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