i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
