They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
