Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
